Airline
executives have taken a special interest in the recent
news of a stow-away passenger who survived a seven-and-a-half
hour flight from Tahiti to Los Angeles inside the wheel
well of an Air France 747 jet.
"With competition heating up, we're doing everything
we can to provide the lowest fares," explained
airline marketing V.P. James Kelley. "As of this
week, we offer First Class, Business Class, Coach, and
now our new, Special Economy Wheel Well Class."
The
new seating leaves lots of legroom.
"We
treat you like a big wheel!"
Marketing
staffs are already at work developing ad campaigns for
the new airline service. One slogan exclaims: "We
treat you like a big wheel!"
The airline executive is confident the new service will
be popular. "Especially with those busy travelers
who always scramble to be first off the plane,"
said Kelley. "When they fly our new Wheel Well
Service, we guarantee they'll be on the tarmac before
any other passenger... and in some cases, even before
we touch down."
Not surprisingly, the FAA has already received a number
of calls from those concerned about passenger safety.
Kelley thinks such concerns are unwarranted.
"We'll treat the new seating much like we do our
emergency exit rows--with a printed passenger advisory.
It will recommend that passengers decline a wheel well
seat if they're prone to catch colds or if they'll experience
discomfort when smashed between the belly of a jumbo
jet and its five-ton landing gear."
"Ever since airlines were deregulated, there have
been a bunch of nervous nellies who worry we'll put
them at risk just to make a buck," explains the
executive. "That's simply not so. There would have
to be at least three or four hundred dollars at stake
before we'd take a chance of killing a passenger."
We asked if he's worried about carrying passengers at
38,000 feet without pressurization and, in many cases,
without enough oxygen to sustain life. "Of course,"
he replied. "The public underestimates our concern.
Remember, when an airline has a mishap, we not only
lose the passenger--half the time we also lose a return
ticket."
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