Darva Conger Hosts The
"I Hate Publicity!" Show

This is a talk show for celebrities who despise being in the public eye. Darva Conger has volunteered to be the show's host, moderating lively discussions about how awful it is to be on television.

"Believe me," says Conger, "I hate this life, being chauffeured in a limousine to work, going to parties and hob-nobbing with Hollywood stars. I'd much rather be working the graveyard shift at an understaffed emergency room, but no one will have me."

We asked Ms. Conger about her goals for the show. "I believe if I keep saying it enough on national television, someday I will convince people to leave me--and people like me--alone!" Scheduled guests on the first show include Sean Penn, who will smack a photographer during his visit, just in time to promote his new film, "Get Outa My Face." O.J. Simpson, who who has asked to be left alone to raise his kids, is expected to call in during the show to repeat that request.

The show had hoped to include famed recluse J.D. Salinger, but the novelist would not return Conger's phone calls. "That's simply rude," she says. "He obviously doesn't feel strongly about his privacy or he'd come tell us."

 

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A number of other series follow in the growing reality trend set by shows like "Survivor" and "Big Brother."

"I'm Sick Of Being Poor!"

Set in a hospital intensive care unit, ten contestants agree to be injected with a deadly disease. The contestant who endures the pain and fever of the illness the longest without asking for the cure wins fifty-thousand dollars and a life-long health care policy from a leading HMO. "Each week we expect to lose a player until we're down to just one," explains the show's producer. " Of course if a contestant becomes unconscious, he or she will be disqualified."

 

"Give Me A Hand!"

Contestants bid for boats, exotic vacations and luxury automobiles--but no money is required. Simply outbid your opponents by sacrificing a better body part, the value of which will be determined by an audience poll. "This is as interactive as a show gets," explains the producer. "Everybody thinks their body parts are so special. But we'll just have to see if the audience agrees."

If the pilot episode is any indication, the show will contain some ironic moments. The first winner outbid his opponents by offering up both his ears--only to be surprised by season tickets to the Boston Philharmonic.

 

"Take Your Shot At A Million!"

This is the show the producers believe will trump all other reality shows. It will bring people from around the country together to play a thirty-minute game during which contestants are eliminated, one-by-one, until there's only one winner, who will receive a prize of one million dollars.

The show's producer explains, "It's a heck of a lot easier than 'Survivor' and takes less time than ÔBig Brother.' There's no eating rats and bugs and building huts. And you're in and out in half and hour. Not three months."

So what's the catch? "It's amazingly simple," says the producer. "The show's host, Dr. Kevorkian, loads a single bullet in a revolver, spins the chambers and contestants take turns pulling the trigger... until there is only one person left.

We questioned whether anyone would be willing to risk his or her life just to win a million bucks. The producer beamed. "They're lining up to get on. We already have the show stocked with contestants through the year 2020. Some asked to sign up a second time if they lose the first time. I'm not sure they quite get it yet."