For
years now we've heard how intelligent dolphins are. As
smart as humans, some say. Even smarter, say others.
Well,
one man says he thinks there's something fishy about that
claim and set out to prove human mental superiority once
and for all.
"No one's gonna tell me some porpoise has more brains
than me," says psychology professor, Dr. Alvin Pippin.
To prove his point, the professor designed a battery of
exams which he administered simultaneously to students
and dolphins.
"First, I tested the most easily quantifiable measure
of intelligence–mathematics. Those stupid dolphins
couldn't hold a candle to our students."
One
skeptical viewer felt the use of electronic calculators
gave the students a substantial advantage. "The dolphins'
machines kept shorting out in the salt water."
The
professor defended his technique: "I tried to keep
the dolphins at their desks, but is it my fault they kept
jumping back in the water? I won't take responsibility
for poor study habits. The students outscored the dolphins
in math–88 to 78. A whopping ten points! It wasn't
even close."
The
professor has scheduled two more tests to try to silence
his critics: U.S. History and English Literature. "Let's
see how they do with essay tests. I don't want anyone
saying I wasn't fair."
We would like to retract everything we say in the Wacky Times.
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