Dr. Laura Schleppinger -

Ethical Directions For Those Without Their Own Moral Compass

 

Dear Dr. Laura,

My boyfriend and I get along spectacularly. He's kind, intelligent, thoughtful and honest. We recently had an interesting discussion about traffic signals. He says you can still enter an intersection on a yellow light. I say you should stop if it's yellow. Please tell us which is correct, since you seem to know everything.

Signed,
Mixed Signals, Memphis, Tennessee

Dear Mixed,

Dump the louse. Now! If he feels that way about a caution light, what do you think he'll do when he becomes amorous? You can't trust him. And you certainly don't want him driving your future children around. And what are you doing thinking about having kids with a degenerate like that anyway? Have you no sense of right and wrong? I feel sorry for you. I really do. That's so sad.

* * *

Dear Dr. Laura,

A woman I am dating just confided to me that a man she saw years ago took compromising photos of her--and now he's putting them on the Internet. She says that happened long ago and she's not like that any more. What should I do?

Signed,
Fearful of Fotos, Tallahassee, FL

Dear Fearful,

How many times do I need to say: "PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE!" Dump her!!! Once a floozy, always a floozy. This woman is not to be trusted, respected or listened to.

* * *

Dear Dr. Laura,

My mother and I stopped talking years ago. Yet during the holidays people keep bringing up the subject. How can I put her out of my mind?

Signed,
Estranged, La Porte, Indiana

Dear Estranged,

You've obviously gotten your priorities messed up somewhere along the line. Family is the most important thing in this world. You've obviously lost all moral sensibility if something as important as your relationship with your mother is allowed to disintegrate this way.

* * *

Dear Dr. Laura,

I am eighty-six year old woman. Alice, my best friend since childhood lives here in the retirement home with me. We eat our meals together, play rummy together, put together jigsaw puzzles. It's such a delight to have her here. We've been through so much together over seventy-five years. But now I have a moral dilemma and need your advice.

Last week Alice confided to me that she has nightmares about how, when she was seven, she stole a pencil from our second grade teacher. What can I say to make her suffer less?

Signed,
Troubled, Auburn, California

Dear Troubled,

Suffer less?!! She should suffer more! Why would you want a thief as a friend anyway? I sure don't have friends like that. I'm not that desperate. Next thing you know she'll have you helping her steal muffins from the cafeteria!

***

Sheesh! That's all for now. See if you morally bankrupt morons can actually go take on the day.