After
numerous budget cuts at NASA, officials there
announced that they refuse to just give up
and scrap many of their space exploration
programs. Instead, they will add revenues
by renting out the space shuttles for various
promotional uses.
"There's certainly a demand for it," said
a NASA spokesman. "We've already received
inquiries from a number of companies. Subway
Sandwich Shops wants us to land at various
beach and tourist spots sporting the slogan:
"They come from all over for our subs."
We're looking at a proposal now for an 'Oscar
Mayer Wiener' shuttle, which will land at
strip malls for grocery store promotions.
They want us to redesign the exterior to look
like a big wiener. We're cautiously optimistic
while our engineers look into the effect on
the spacecraft's aerodynamics."
"It certainly would be an effective billboard
for us," explains the advertising director
for the hot dog firm. "It's more than just
promotion. It says we're at the cutting edge
of wieners."
Another
sponsor that wanted to sign on was McDonalds.
But during preliminary tests the giant golden
arches kept snarling the parachutes at landings.
"The first time we tested the new look, the
chutes didn't open and we almost plowed into
the McDonalds store at 800 mile an hour. Now
that would have been a real Big Mac Attack,
wouldn't it?"
"We're looking for sponsors who want to get
their name out there... I mean really out
there," expained the NASA official. "If there
turns out to be life on other planets, the
first companies to establish an image there
will have a substantial edge."
A number of other sponsors are considering
shuttle billboards. Ross Perot has already
looked into it for his Reform Party's run
at the presidency. "Mr. Perot thought that
sending a picture of Pat Buchanan or Jesse
Ventura into the outer reaches of space had
some appeal."
Another
potential sponsor is American Express, who
will employ the shuttle to launch the credit
card's new slogan: "Don't leave the planet
without it."
Other
inquiries are just as intriguing. Movie Star
John Travolta simply wants to pilot one of
the flights. "That's fine with us," said the
spokesman, "as long as he doesn't hold a big
party for all his Hollywood types and leave
a big mess behind."
***
