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FINANCIAL
YEAR
2016-
DOW HITS 75,000!
While stock analysts have a harder time finding undervalued
stocks at this level, most traders are confident that
the market will continue to move higher.
"Inflation
is well under control," says one economist, "and we expect
the Federal Funds rate to stay below 40% as long as Congress
keeps its promise to balance the national budget within
350 years."
"I
still like McDonalds," said an analyst from Merril-Lynch,
Witter & Schwab. "This hamburger chain's leading product,
the Big Mac, is still a good buy at $59.95. Where else
can you get lunch for under a hundred bucks?"
MEDICAL
2012-Antioxidants,
long considered to be beneficial to good health, have
been determined to be the primary cause of most of our
nation's diseases.
Beta
Carotene, Vitamin E and Vitamin C have been found to be
some of the most deleterious elements in our diet.
"People
have been taking these supplements to battle free radicals
in the blood stream," says one scientist. "But, as it
turns out, free radicals were helping our bodies fight
diseases all along."
New
evidence shows benefits to eating primarily red meat and
other high fat, low fiber foods, as well as numerous artificial
additives.
ENTERTAINMENT
2016
- Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones today cancelled their
three-week concert tour, entitled "Rickety Fingers", which
had been scheduled to open tonight at the Quiet Palms
Senior Citizens Community Hall, which is where all of
the Stones reside.
"Keith's
hearing aid is on the blink and then he plays too loudly,"
complained Jagger at a press conference held today.The
opening act was to be Bob Dylan, who also lives in the
complex.
"We're
disappointed," said Jagger, "but there's a Murder She
Wrote rerun playing tonight, so we expect to have a pretty
good time anyway."
2010
- Ever since the campaign to remove violence from television
began in the 1990's when it was considered to cause street
violence, television has become almost exclusively a medium
of situation comedies. Some
critics say television has gone too far. They point to
massive outbreaks of silliness in our nation's streets.
In almost every neighborhood people can be seen performing
pratfalls and one-liners.
2011
- Leaders at the movie box office this week were "Batman
Returns Forever Again", "Star Trek XXV",
"Naked Gun 2 and 45/64ths" and what we believe
will be the final Babe sequel: "Babe - With Eggs
and Hash Browns".
Also
expected to be the final 'prequel' in the Star War series:
"The Phantom Embryo–Luke Skywalker, the gleam
in his father's eye."
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