Scientific
Breakthrough Gone Awry:
Map
Of Human
Genome Lost!
"We
found this diagram this morning and thought
we'd recovered it. But it turned out to be a blueprint
for the new roller coaster over at Six Flags."
Not
long after scientists at The Human Genome Project
announced the world's first comprehensive mapping
of the complete human gene, they were forced to
hold yet another, more somber, press conference.
"Well,
uh... we lost it again," admitted Dr. Herbert Mulch,
lead researcher on the project. "Our computers spent
five years logging data, chemical formulas and DNA
patterns. Then we downloaded it all onto two hard
drives... and now... well... we can't find them."
"This
morning, we thought we'd found it," reported the
researcher. "But it turned out to be a diagram of
the new roller coaster over at Six Flags."
Needless
to say, many were disturbed at the news. "How scientists
could lose valuable information like this is beyond
me," complained ex-congressman Bob Dornan. "If this
were to fall into the wrong hands, who knows where
the human race could end up? What if monkeys got
hold of it? They could catch up with us!"
Several
religious leaders rejoiced at the news. "Some things
just aren't meant to be known by man," said Reverend
Jerry Falwell. "I personally don't think there ever
was such thing as a human genome. If you want to
find the blueprint for man, you better start talking
to the architect upstairs."
Radio
talk show host, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, regretted
the loss. "Someone might have been able to engineer
a race of people that would meet my moral standards.
And leave out all those mistakes we have now."
O.J.
Simpson was particularly upset by the announcement.
"That was the breakthrough I've been waiting five
years for. I was counting on that DNA research stuff
to find the real killer. Yeah, that's what I was
waiting for. But now I guess I'll just have to keep
waiting." The one-time Heisman Trophy winner continued
shake his head in regret as they called him to the
next tee.
Al
Gore's voice cracked a bit when he responded to
the announcement. "This is very painful for me personally,
since I invented DNA."
Harold
Rebus, head of security for the Nuclear Weapons
Research Lab at Los Alamos was sympathetic to the
scientist's plight.
"Stuff
happens. Have they checked behind the copier?"
***
The Evolution Of The Politician
