GIANT
LOBSTER
ESCAPES ARIZONA EATERY
Some
are calling it the largest crustacean catastrophe
in U.S. history. Others are calling it the beginning
of a widespread seafood revolution.
During
a lively LobsterFest at trendy Scottsdale, Arizona
bistro, The Galloping Grotto, a giant lobster
named Louie escaped the grasp of chef Henri Bergson.
Bergson,
respected across the state for his seafood bisques,
was about to drop Louie in a giant cauldron of
boiling water when the lobster broke free and
scurried out the back of the restaurant. "You
haven't felt pain till you've been smacked in
the head with a really big lobster claw,"
explains Chef Bergson. "We pride ourselves
on serving only the meatiest lobster, but after
this, I'm gonna have to reeavaluate that policy."
Waiters
chased the lobster for several blocks, but the
seafood entree showed surprising ingenuity and
was able to lose them on the local transit system.
"We were all watching the freeway toward
California, assuming he would head toward the
ocean," said one worker. "But he fooled
us and took a bus north instead." Only after
it was too late did they realize Louie was not
a Pacific lobster at all, but an East Coaster.
Authorities in six states have been alerted that
Louie may be headed for his hometown waters in
Maine.
Along
the transit bus route hundreds of sympathetic
onlookers held up signs that read Run, Louie,
Run and Free Louie. "People everywhere
are rallying to the lobster's support," comments
Sherman Milhouse, a local Sociology professor.
"Like the Cuban boy, Elian Gonzales, this
lobster has become a symbol for the downtrodden
throughout America, many of whom are trying to
escape their own pots of boiling water."
Several
Hollywood movie studios are already bidding for
the rights to his story. "This will be a
heck of a film," says one studio executive.
"It's The Fugitive meets Free Willy. And
it's a true-to-life, fish-out-of-water story.
I see Dustin Hoffman as the lead. Dusty's been
dying to do a crustacean. It's got summer blockbuster
written all over it."
"We
were all watching the freeway toward California,
assuming he would head toward the ocean,"
said one worker. "But he fooled us and took
a bus north instead."
The
lobster stopped by an investment house where brokers
tell us he studied several lower-priced equities.
"He's a bottom fisher," says one broker.
"There's no doubt about that."
