US
and Canadian leaders announced today that
their two countries are merging in order to
reduce operating costs and increase production
efficiencies. "We're simply following the
trend created by corporations who find this
a quick way to increase market share and reduce
expenses," explains the government's new architect,
23-year-old MBA and investment banker, Billy
Smurtz . "We've created the first multi-national
country."
The
new country, which will be named Canadusa,
is expected to reduce both governments' operating
costs by thirty percent, with 59 million Canadusians
expected to be laid off.
"Yes, there will be some disruptions," explains
Smurtz, "but they're nothing we can't overcome.
We've got to crank out some new flags, constitutions,
money, and stuff like that. But the long-term
cost savings far outweigh the disadvantages.
We'll save three billion a year just by closing
down all those border crossings, not to mention
shutting down that whole Washington DC thing.
Who can argue with that?"
"There
are already so many similarities," he adds.
"They've got baseball, we've got baseball.
They've got hockey, we've got hockey. They
drive on the right side of the road, so do
we. If we hadn't told you about it, you wouldn't
even know we did it."
And
the plan doesn't stop there. "We'd like to
get Mexico into the operation as soon as possible,"
he says. "But that whole language, heritage
thing they have down there is causing problems
with the takeover."
Citizens
in both countries are divided about the plan.
One Canadian explains: "They've got that great
military superpower thing going for them down
there, eh? We've got to love becoming part
of that." One American surfer remarked, "Yeah,
I guess it's okay. But it's cold up there,
isn't it? Couldn't we find a warmer country
with better beaches, like Australia? Now that
would be cool."
Some
US critics of the plan argue that there are
more important issues at stake than just saving
money. Like patriotism. But Smurtz argues
that they're just being sentimental. "You
watch. They'll get over it the first day they
see a cut in their taxes. Besides, they're
gonna get their own province."
