O. J. Simpson Jury Speaks Out On World Issues

The jury in the O.J. Simpson criminal trial, which received unprecedented media attention when it rendered its controversial not-guilty decision, says it is now available to be heard on other important issues.

Many followers of the trial thought the decision revealed a lack of analytical thinking of the participants. but a leading Hollywood agent says TV ratings don't lie: "People want to hear what this jury has to say."

So the panel has reconvened to discuss a variety of other controversial topics:

On the greenhouse effect and its relationship to global warming:

"We weren't able to vote on that. Most of us have tan houses or white ones."

• On an open U.S. border policy:

"It's okay. We think Americans should be able to come and go as we please."

• On evolution vs creationism:

"We've carefully weighed all the scientific evidence individually and as a group but still aren't convinced." "About which theory?" we asked. "Neither one of them. It's just too complicated."

• On the validity of the alien autopsy:

"We think anyone in this country should be entitled to all medical procedures."

• On prayer in public schools:

"Of course we're for it. It wasn't against the law when we went to school or none of us would have graduated. Heck, we were all praying during finals."

• On the upcoming presidential race:

"We don't think race should be an issue."

• On the question of late term abortions:

"We think the older a student is the better her judgment will be about these things."

RETRACTIONS (A Regular Feature):

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