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Dear Dottie - Advice For The Really Confused

February 1, 2017

 

Dear Dottie,

 

I have a serious problem with my boss.

 

All I do is listen to a radio while I work, which makes my day go by much faster. Now my employer wants me to stop listening to it. Don't you agree he's being unreasonable?

–Radio Fan

 

Dear Fan,

 

That's ridiculous. I suggest you turn it on and keep it on–even turn the volume up to show others how ridiculous his behavior is. Then show him my opinion. He'll be so embarrassed, he'll probably give you a raise.

 

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Dear Dottie,

 

Apparently you gave an employee of mine some questionable advice recently.

 

You said it was satisfactory for her to play her radio loudly while she works. To make matters worse, at your suggestion she turned up the volume and blasted us all with Rush Limbaugh right in the middle of a very crucial moment in our day. She has been fired and I doubt she'll ever find another job as a court reporter, thanks to you.

 

–Superior Court Judge Reinhold Pompano

 

 

Dear Judge,

 

What can I say?  Whoops!

 

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Dear Dottie,

 

I know how you like letters of inspiration. Here's mine.

I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. I was recently on trial for embezzlement–a crime which I do not feel I committed exactly, or at least in the precise manner they describe.

 

However, I must admit that when the prosecutors found the stolen money in my bank account and my plane tickets to Bora Bora, my explanation of an accidental ledger error was becoming more and more difficult for the jurors to comprehend. Sophisticated accounting techniques are very difficult to understand for the layman.

 

So there I was, about to be convicted, when, during the prosecutor's summary remarks, the court reporter suddenly blasts her radio. The court room is filled with Rush Limbaugh yelling about how liberal judges are too soft on criminals. Needless to say, my attorney was able to get a mistrial. Sometimes fate has a funny way of stepping in when you really need it, huh?

 

–Willard "Fingers" McDougall.

 

 

Dear Fingers,

 

Thank you. There's a lesson we can all learn from your experience. Though I'm not quite sure what it is.

 

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