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New Classical Artwork Discovered!

In his ongoing effort to bring culture and sophistication to the world, Wacky Times art historian, Dr. Rins deMoray-Loop, M.F.A, PhD, A.D.D., has announced his latest discovery in the world of art.

 

Deep within an attic in Sleepy Eye, Minnesota, Dr. deMoray-Loop has found a treasure of never-before-seen works from some of the world’s most celebrated artists.

 

 

"American Gothic Romance"

 

We discovered this version of Grant Wood's painting, which is retitled, "American Gothic Romance" of President Donald Trump and Putin. Apparently Wood was prescient in his vision of how romantically involved the two leaders would become. Clearly, Ms. Putin rules this roost.

 

 

 

“Napoleon Crossing The Line”

 

This painting by Frenchman, Jacques-Louis David, bears a striking resemblance to the artist’s “Napoleon Crossing The Alps,” circa 1811, with one principle difference: the rider’s noticeable distaste for both his opposition and those he once looked to for support.

 

The once invincible leader is depicted atop a remarkably high horse, glaring about, as if squawking out commands to defiant troops. It’s as if many of his followers had reached a point over which they simply refused to cross.

 

 

 

"Whistler's Mother-In-Law"

 

While artist James Whistler’s 1871 painting of his mother is quite renowned, this is a newly discovered painting of his mother-in-law, Harriet Reid.

 

On the back of the painting these handwritten words were found, apparently indicating his dislike of the dour-faced relation: "I wish that miserable *%!@#! would keep her big nose out of my life."

 

It turns out Whistler eventually succeeded in distancing himself from his in-law, dropping her off in the dark in a desolate area of the United States. Years later, Mrs. Reid developed an electrical illumination system, after which the small Nevada town was named: Searchlight. Mrs. Reid is said to still have descendants living in the area.

 

 

“King Flush Rimbaugh”

 

In 1540, German-born Hans The Younger Holbein, painted a celebrated portrait of England’s King Henry VIII. Until now, however, no one knew the artist had also painted a portrait of the monarch’s younger, boisterous brother, Lord Flush Rimbaugh.

 

Rimbaugh spoke to audiences far and wide, lambasting the monarchy without end. His fervent opinions earned him considerable notoriety, and he was eventually dismissed to a tiny, remote portion of the family property.

 

Rimbaugh’s sour bluster eventually turned to pathetic delusion. In his final days, the man could be seen repeatedly racing to his property line, displaying his pouch of half-pennies and farthings, proclaiming to be “King of all the Fourth Estate.”

 

 

 

 

"Blue Girl"

 

Before today it was not known that there was a companion piece for Gainsborough’s 1770 painting, "Blue Boy.” This previously unseen work, "Blue Girl," was discovered along with notations that indicate the subject of the painting was a rebellious young girl by the name of Rachel MacMaddow."

 

" I believe the artist's intention," explains Dr. de Moray-Loop, " was to depict the female subject using liberally-applied, cooler hues to stand in contrast to an environment of warmer, almost fiery tones."

 

 

 

 “The Non-Reader”

 

Fragonard’s famous 18th Century painting, “The Reader” was not known to have a comparable work, until now.

 

The newly discovered artwork is similar in style to painter’s original depiction of a young woman reading, with one significant difference. Upon magnified examination, it has been determined the book she is reading is upside down.

 

 

 “Dutch Viscount, Alford Van Der Franken”

 

Frans Hals, a celebrated 17th Century Dutch painter, was known for his choice of notable subjects. This portrait was of Alford Van Der Franken, the puckish nephew of the Prince of Red-Orange, Stuart Van De Smalley, whose family coat of arms reads: “I'm goed enough, I’m doorslapt enough, and doggonen it, the publiek likes me!”

 

 

“Portrait of Dr. Olbermann”

 

In 1890, troubled Dutch painter, Vincent van Gogh, created this portrait of Dr. Keupe Olbermann, a person known for his strong opinions and personal musings. According to legend, before completing the painting, Van Gogh became so tired of listening to Olbermann’s ramblings, he cut off his own ear. Later, Olbermann was reported to call the artist the country’s “Braadworst Persoon In The World.”

 

 

“Queen Michelle of France”

 

This early 18th Century portrait by Rigaud is of Queen Michelle of the Bachlands, a lesser-known French monarch who succeeded King Louis XIV. The Queen was an outspoken opponent to scientific theories of evolution, death panels and taxes, who financed her crown with the donations of large insurance companies.

 

Some say her propensity toward careless declarations may have led her downfall. Her reign lasted only three days, when her Crown was overthrown by citizens whose insurance premiums had quadrupled under her brief reign.

 

Her last pronouncement, “Having a revolution every now and then is a good thing,” was one she may have wished to rethink.

 

 

 

"Mona Pelosi”

 

Since the 16th Century art experts have debated whether Da Vinci’s “Mona Lisa” is smiling or frowning. In this similar work, the expression of “Mona Pelosi” is less in doubt.

 

From accounts of those who knew the model, the obstinate Florentine power-broker, Nona Pelosi, we can determine that she was probably showing her displeasure toward those bold enough to disagree with her.

 

 

 

"Bill O’Rembrandt"

 

Celebrated master Rembrandt van Rijn painted many portraits, including, apparently, this one of an unknown visitor from Ireland, circa 1660.

 

Our expert analyzed the painting’s unusual technique: “In this painting Rembrandt used bold, fresh strokes to an otherwise pasty Irish face. The paint was applied using a spinning brush technique, spinning layer upon layer, also known among artists of the era as “bloviating.”

 

 

 

 

 

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