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New Drive-Through Supermarkets

February 1, 2017

 

 Hey, Mom! Slow down, we're coming up on the toastem pop-ups!"

 

Tired of waiting for a place to park in the supermarket lot just to enter a crowded store where you stand in line again to check out? If so, you'll love the new drive-through grocer.

 

A number of major chains have combined forces to test this new style of supermarket.

 

"I love it," says one driver. "I can pick up milk and eggs and chips and be back on the highway in minutes. My only suggestion is that they add a passing lane. There's nothing worse than getting stuck behind a cost-conscious shopper who double-parks at every brand to compare prices."

 

The store manager admits they're still working out some of the bugs in the business model. "There have been a few fender benders. Nothing major–until the meat department made the mistake of holding that big Fourth of July sale on top sirloins. There were at least six collisions that day."

 

"And of course you have the teen pranksters who drive down the aisle with their hand out, knocking down the pickle jars," adds the manager. "One time a kid tried that in the corn oil section and we had vehicles spinning out all over the place."

 

You can also choose to shop the old fashioned way--as a pedestrian--but you take your life in your hands. One shopper remarks, "I ran in to grab a six-pack of Bud and found myself dodging two Suburbans and a Porsche. I was lucky to get out alive."

 

The store's security guard has other concerns. "Shoplifting has been a problem–especially when it comes to minivans with tinted windows. They can hide a heck of a lot of groceries in the backs of those things.

 

In an attempt to reduce the recklessness of shoppers, the management has begun to cite motorists for speeding. "If they're hurrying a bit out in the frozen foods section, we might be lenient with them. But if they're doing fifty miles an hour in the popular dairy section, we'll write 'em up."

 

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